CYRANOSIS

Meaning - The state of which one falls in love with another only by use of words

"Congratulations, You have got a match".

Manali jumped over and looks at the notification.

She was bored throughout the lockdown phase so out of curiosity she downloads a dating app. She never liked the idea of dating application as she was of the belief that dating is something that is organic. The idea of liking someone based on their physical attributes alone repulsed her. Nonetheless, she gave it a try after being pestered into by her cousin. She must have swiped reject through hundreds of profile before stumbling onto a particularly interesting profile.

Shravan is a young aspiring pianist, an avid reader and good enough writer. He has his own blog where he shares his experiences as a musician and he is particularly fond of his pet dogs. He talks about piano with great passion and his favorite pianist, Beethoven.

Manali spent hours reading through his fascination for piano, about his pet dogs and his journey across European music schools. In one of the blogs, he mentions about a beautiful letter written by Beethoven to her Immortal beloved. Beethoven never married but he felt deep love for an unknown women, who he referred to as the "Immortal Beloved". Shravan quotes some of the letters Beethoven had written for her Immortal beloved. My angel, my very self… Why this profound sorrow, when necessity speaks — can our love endure without sacrifices, without our demanding everything from one another; can you alter the fact that you are not wholly mine, that I am not wholly yours? — Dear God, look at Nature in all her beauty and set your heart at rest about what must be — Love demands all, and rightly so… No doubt we shall meet soon; and today also time fails me to tell you of the thoughts which during these last few days I have been revolving about my life — If our hearts were always closely united, I would certainly entertain no such thoughts. My heart overflows with a longing to tell you so many things — Oh — there are moments when I find that speech is quite inadequate — Be cheerful — and be for ever my faithful, my only sweetheart, my all, as I am yours. The gods must send us everything else, whatever must and shall be our fate — your faithful Ludwig

Shravan mention how he was reminded of the famous lines by John Steinbeck addressed to his own son who was lovesick.

“If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”

Manali was exhilarated. She never believed that words have enough power but she was proven wrong. Her interest piqued. She took a deep breath and swiped right. Now all she had to do was wait.

Few hours later, she received a match. Shravan also right swiped her. They had a long conversation about themselves, their interests and, what did they do to live through such a tumultuous time. Months passed and their love for each other only grew. The digital letters flew quickly. The complex emotions turned into simple binary instructions. Manali finally mustered courage and asked,"We should meet". Shravan was surprised for a moment. He said he would love to meet Manali. Both of them set an online date. Manali was excited. She never thought anything as trivial as this would make her excited but it did. On the day of her online date, she set up her laptop, decorated her room and changed her lighting to create a soothing ambience. She called her. He didn't pick up. She called her again. He didn't pick up. She sent him a message. He didn't reply. Manali became anxious. She sat all day waiting for his reply. He didn't reply. Manali couldn't sleep. She called him several times but he didn't pick his call.

"Hi Manali,

Bad news. I have caught the virus. I will be in the hospital. Do not worry. I am a strong man. I will be in touch with you. There was a piece I had prepared for you. I hope you like it."

Manali became scared but she held her nerves. She downloaded the file and played the music. The calming and tranquilizing soothness of the piece evokes varied emotions. She finally felt what it must have been for Beethoven to play for he Immortal beloved. She didn't lose hope.

A week passed. Manali was tormented by bad thoughts. What happened to Shravan? Why does he not pick her call? Did something happen to him? This can't be possible. Manali panicked. She didn't know what to do anymore.

She opened her phone and started to play Shravan's piano recordings. She felt at ease all the time whenever she listened to the beautiful chords. Those notes were transcendental. She was at peace for a short time. It was a feeling of happiness to know Shravan was beside her.

Another week passed, but there was no reply. Manali stopped trying. She did not want to accept the worst. She broke. She was lost. The wrenching pain in her heart worsened. Dejected with no response, she stopped looking at her phone. A part of her died inside.

"You have a message."

The phone rang. Manali looked over. She received her delivery and walked back to her house. Suddenly a dog barked. Frightened by the bark, her phone fell into a shallow puddle. Her phone started to malfunction. She didn't order a new phone. She thought it is good this way. It would be better to live the remaining life in ignorance.

Few days later, Her parents were furious that she would not buy a new phone. They bought her a new phone. She was visibly irritated. She felt despair and was scared. Manali puts her sim card in her mobile. She leaves it to charging and rests on the bed. Although, her ears were eager to listen to a ring. Every second passed excruciatingly painful. She felt tumultuous and falling in despair with every passing second.

Suddenly, the phone buzzed. It was a familiar sound. She had set Shravan's piano piece as her notification tone. She jumped. She started to read the messages. Shravan apologized in a string of message. He expressed that he should have contacted her earlier but explained her about his own dilemma.

"Hi Manali,

You do not seem to reply to me. I understand. You must be angry with me. You have all right reasons to be.

But I want to share something. I don't know If you are reading this, but I want to make a last attempt to reach to you.

When I was in the hospital, I saw several people in distress and despair. Many people couldn't even give proper farewell to their loved one's. Even though I was doing good, the sadness around me was overwhelming. I began to realize the same thing as many do and remembered Beethoven's letters to her beloved. Even when I am in bed my thoughts rush to you, my immortal beloved, now and then joyfully, then again sadly, waiting to know whether Fate will hear our prayer — To face life I must live altogether with you or never see you… Oh God, why must one be separated from her who is so dear. Yet my life in Vienna at present is a miserable life — Your love has made me both the happiest and unhappiest of mortals…

“Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, Be calm–love me–today–yesterday–what tearful longings for you–you–you–my life–my all–farewell. Oh continue to love me–never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours."

I hope it is not to late to say what I have been meaning to say.

I love you, Manali.

I wish that I have reached your heart because you are already there in mine."

Manali exhales in relief.

"Idiot." she said as she smiles brightly in days.