EISOPTROPHOBIA

Meaning - Fear of seeing oneself in the mirror

"Are reflections mere images or they have as vivid a life as we do?"

I plunged into nothingness as I stare into the charcoal black eyes of the person who must be equally curious to know about me as he continues to mimic every action, every breath and every blink.

"Does he think the same way just like I do?"

It makes me wonder whether my thoughts are my own. The person who stares with such a menacing gaze makes me feel vulnerable. I wish to put an end to this but such is the tenacity of this imposter and perfection in his art that he knows unerringly every twitch of the lips, flutter of the eyelids, murmur of the hands and throbbing of my heart. This imposter knows deepest and darkest secrets that I regret to believe were my own and mine only.

"Why is it that I can't read his thoughts?"

I feel myself naked in the chilling blast of his cold stare. His eyes look at me with an intense disgust. He knows every inch of my vulnerability and each scars that haunts me. I thought I was safe believing that he cannot enter into my dimension but I am not so sure now. He reads my mind. He knows every movement of mine and his unfaltering determination to never leave my trail has plunged me deeper into despair. I am never alone. He is always there patiently waiting for me.

I stand on top of the bridge. The still water is cold or at least that is what I hope for. This existence is a perpetual torture. Freedom is my heart's true desire. The wind scathes my body cleansing every sins that I have committed. I feel at ease in the realisation that I am free albeit for a short period. I watch the water come closer with each breath.

Suddenly, I see him. There he was. He had no intention to leave me alone even in my death but there was something different. He was terrified. His face had a look which I had never seen. It was difficult to describe. I was perplexed and stunned for a while but I finally understood. He was crying out to me for help. His loneliness was killing him and I was the only one he could reach out to. A sudden jerk and he vanished. The water engulfed me accepting me into her bosom. My soul ached.

"Was it too late? Could I have saved the imposter or whether it was him who tried to save me?"

The breath was short. The lights dimmed and there was only darkness. I had lost myself. I was feeling light. A force pulled me over. The sounds were loud. I could see the stars shining brightly in the evening sky. I woke up on the edge of the river. A speedboat was parked with several men in uniform talking to each other. An ambulance had arrived and the paramedic asked me how do I feel. I wasn't sure. I looked around and looked down. There I saw him. The imposter was looking at me but he didn't had that disgusting gaze. He had a beautiful smile. His eyes sparkled. He looked happy. It was for the first time I could read his thoughts clearly.

"I am free."